When I was young..er...ish?

When I was just knee high to a grasshopper playing dress up and barbies I do not think I envisioned myself where I am today. Not complaining at all. I love my life. I just do not think that I knew then that sentences like "Rory, do not eat the furniture!" were ever going to come flying out of my mouth.

Then again I used to "cook" plastic ice cream soup on my fisher price kitchen set and serve it to Skipper and her G.I. Joe boyfriend that no one at the Mattel trailer park knew she had. I was weird even as a child. Just ask my Mom. Funny how life takes us down unexpected roads. I spent so much time rearranging the Dream House that my parents thought I had a future in miniature interior design. Then the day comes that we put away our childish things for more adult adventures. I truly believe that a bit of the magic inside of us dies the day we stop playing pretend. Lucky for us we have a second chance to recapture that magic watching our own children. So while I have to remind him that chairs are for sitting and not a proper food group my son reminds me to try something new and unusual.

Twangs, accents, and drawls= Grammar @ it's best!

Big Mama just did a podcast and I know she is from Texas but for some reason I did not expect the accent. Funny thing is that since I am also from Texas and in fact lay claim to the same accent you would not think it would be something I notice quite so well. I absolutely love it, takes me back home instantly but I have to say the southern twang does make us femme sound a bit flighty. Not dumb just very laid back to the point of not really caring if we make a logical point. There are no rushed conversations between girlfriends because we all know we will get a turn and if that means we sit here all day well then who cares? Obviously that is what God intended for us to do today. I think we are very smart women. I have a ton of admiration for my fellow blogger Big Mama. If you have ever read her blog then you know she can write a mean paragraph. I wish I had a 1/10 of that talent. But still the accent threw me. Thankfully I have friends nearby with southern drawls of their own.

Shelly is from Tennessee, Bradford is from Georgia, Taylor from Kentucky, and today I met Cole from Louisiana. Shelly, Taylor, and Bradford's accents are different from the Texas one I am used to but distinctively southern. Cole is from an area close enough to Texas that before she even met me she was informed that we sounded similar. Living in the mid west and being friends with all military wives leads to an interesting mix of sounds. K and Thomas are from the area so they have that no accent except for a few particular words thing that is so common here in the mid west. Sloan is from Ohio but I can never tell if there is no accent or if she is just very proper. I am going to guess a it of both. Sloan is a very proper person. I secretly wonder if she has hidden bad habits like drinking out of the milk carton. I doubt it but I love her anyways. Hollin and C.L. are from Arkansas and Hawaii respectively. No idea why Hollin sounds less twangy to me. Maybe cause she moved so much as a kid. C.L. might have a Hawaiian accent but I would have no idea what that sounds like! She is my little Mexican from the islands. I do not know why I threw me for a loop to find out she was from Hawaii. Not like only pacific islanders live there. That be like saying there are no African Americans in Ireland, no Caucasians in Africa, and the Russians never leave Mother Russia. This is spiraling into oblivion. Back on topic, C.L. sounds cool.

Daly is the odd ball being from Pennsylvania. Her accent is so cute to me. She just left to visit family. I cannot wait to talk to her when she gets back and she has thickened it from her visit.

I had thought maybe I lost the accent. But no. Talking to Cole today I could not here an accent in her voice. To me she sounded like she could pass for the rare few that did not seem to have an accent. Obviously our friends do not agree. I cringe to hear myself on tape. I imagine I sound something like Jeff Foxworthy. Funny man but not who a girl wants to sound like. What can I say. My voice is not very high or girly add in the accent and I am doomed. That is okay though. My Daddy always used to tell me that men worldwide will trip all over themselves to talk to a southern girl.

No funny today

Public beware! The hormones are taking over. I thought I was in a pleasant mood but I was wrong. I am moody and god forbid you should contradict me. There might be bloodshed.

Rory is playing quietly in the hearth with his books and cars. I think he knows Mommy is a little crazy today. Mom has gone to the store so the house is blissfully quiet. In a moment I will put me and tiny tot down for a n-a-p. I wish I could be entertaining today but to be totally honest I am not in the mood to care if I make a funny. Maybe after a nap I will feel less blah. Probably not since I will still be preggers. Waiting for baby to cook is too long and boring.

Consumer report

You've seen the articles and news campaigns about America being the most overweight nation. I am not going to dispute that. Anyone who does needs to go for a walk through a large grocery store checking out basket content versus consumer body type. As a mom I do not want my child to fall into the same bad habits that I have. The problem is that all the products geared towards keeping my child's diet healthy are big in price and small in product. Look at Juicy Juice. 100% juice with no additives. I think, "Oh that is good." but looking at the size of the jug I know that it will last about two days in my house. If you are a newcomer to my blog then you have not heard my rants about how I hate to grocery shop. I will not go to Walmart every two days just for Juicy Juice. Besides studies show that fruit juice is high in natural sugars and therefore still not good for you to have a lot of. You really ought to eat the fruit instead.

I think kids getting hooked on happy meals and soda is really due to convenience. By dinner time any parent whether working of stay at home is exhausted. Who wants to stand over the stove (especially in the summer) and prepare a meal? Enter fast food chain with his complete kids meal. The little devil on your shoulder says, "Buy the brats a burger and just relax.".

There is even a toy to keep them occupied for a whole 20 minutes before it breaks and you have to practice the Heimlich to retrieve those small parts.

I say to those healthy product pushers, make your stuff bigger for the price I am paying and I might buy it. It just isn't worth the gas/time it take now to keep my kiddo stocked. Until then I will stick with my gigantic jug of Hawaiian punch and generic apple juice.

My journey to Hell and Back.

Today I saw what hell must be like. Mom and I took a little trip to St. Louis, MO which is only about twenty minutes from our home in Illinois. She has all her medical needs taken care of by the veterans affairs hospital so when she has an appointment we pile in the car and take off for horrible traffic and a possible carjacking (last part is really only in E St. Louis). I truly do love this city. It is beautiful and has tons to offers every type of person. The VA is just not my favorite place. Hospitals to begin with leave be wanting to run my nails down a chalk board for relief but if it is a VA hospital I add broken glass under bare feet to this little analogy.

My hatred for the VA is really the fault of the Overton Brooks VA in Shreveport, LA. Mom had a knee replacement surgery there that resulted in a staph infection so horrendous that they thought she would most likely die if not loose her leg. She did neither, what a trooper. So after the infection is cleared up, she realizes her knee feels arthritic. You cannot have arthritis in a plastic knee. We go back to find out that the doctor from the first surgery never removed the knee cap but rather just put the prosthesis over it. Brilliant! Really not all his fault since during the infection three different doctors opened up her knee again and never seemed to see anything alarming. Our nations hero's and they get medical care that makes what third world countries get look like gold.

Back to today's' hell. We were supposed to be there for a total of thirty minutes. Rory and I sat in waiting room no. 1 for an hour and a half. Teething, being woken up too early, and waiting do not make toddler happy. Poor kid whined and fussed the whole time. Bless his heart he tried to be good but he was just not feeling the day's agenda. I asked a Doctor so go back and see how much longer we had to wait for mom to be done. Seemed to work since she was out in less than 10 minutes after. They had sent her to see the Doctor and then the nurse practitioner so that each could talk to her about diabetics and healthy eating. My mother is 5o something years old. This is not a new diagnosis. She was a nurse in the navy. She is one of he most brilliant people I know. She she does not know that eating a large bowl of sugar cereal is bad for her then she needs to quit now. BTW she will still eat that cereal at 3 a.m. if she is hungry and that is all there is available.

Well I see mom and think "Joy! The nightmare is over." not quite. NOW we have to got to the pharmacy and then up to lab. I think in this moment I felt my hands curl tightly around an invisible neck. Mom suggested I take Rory out to the car. Sounded good in theory but turns out was a very nasty idea. It is hot and humid and the van does not like to idle. Besides we sat out there another hour and even a brand new car would have died after that long. I threw more quarters in the evil parking meter and marched myself and Rory back through the gates past Cerberus ( three headed dog in hades) and met mom in the lobby. She was coming to tell me that she still had to wait for her RX to be filled. I have a bald spot where I ripped some hair out.

Mom said she would have been out sooner but she is deaf and the man who calls the numbers yells from his office down the hall. She missed her number and waited an extra 30 minutes before barging in front of someone else. We did not get to head home until noon. My son cried the entire 3 1/2 hours we spent at the VA. Mom has decided in the future she will make these little trips alone. Rory and I thank her dearly.

How to upset a Housewife

Cursed allergies. My eyes are itching so bad I want to claw them out and I sneeze about five times every thirty minutes. Grr.

A little advice for the men out there. Never, ever under any circumstances tell the pregnant mother of your child that she has "all day to get (insert chore) done and should not need any help from him after he gets home from work." Yes J is still alive but I took a little bit of his hide off. Yes in theory I should be able to get the entire house sparkling clean, dinner cooked, laundry washed/dried/ironed/put away, and cure cancer. The problem with this is toddler energy running circles around my feet. "Pick me up mommy, play with me mommy, lets go outside mommy..." I could complain about how the first trimester makes me sleepy but since I find I am sleepy anyways this is more normal than not.

And I do not want to hear the "I work all day" argument unless you are a farmer or rancher etc. J works in an office. Cushy chair, A/C, three computers in front of him. I know he works hard but there are no diapers, litter pans, dirty dishes, smelly laundry, floors that need to be swept/mopped at his office. And where are my holidays and weekends off? I still have all chores mentioned above. Now thankfully my hubby usually understands this. If I had married some one else I would most likely be in lock up for aggravated assault.

Okay can't type anymore. My eyes are driving me bonkers.

People politics

You might have noticed that I have an opinion on everything. This of course extends to my political views. That's right I am gonna blog about the President.
Do I agree with all of his choices? No. Do I think he makes mistakes? Yes. DO I support him. Yes.


"W" - I think he was put into a very tough spot. Newly elected and a terrorist attack on home soil. People criticize him and call him dumb but he was elected twice so if he is so dumb why did you elect him twice? When he was told about hurricane Katrina he was reading to little children at a school. Tons criticized him for his decision to continue his visit with the kids. So he was supposed to panic a bunch of kids? Does your preschooler understand disappointment? And besides what was he going to do? He isn't moses with the ability to part water. Then they were angry that he took a few more day before visiting the disaster scene. A president is not allowed to go anywhere that he might be endangered. A hurricane just ripped the south a new one, the whole area is unstable but hey let's bring our nation's leader down into the thick of it.


On the war- If you do no believe we should have gone to war then what should we have done? They came into our country, learned at our universities, and then crashed planes full of innocent people into building full of even more people. I do not think there was much choice left. DO I want the troops home? Hell yes! My husband is a troop. Most of my friends are wives of troops. I do not want them to go to war. Recently Bush was asked to give a date by which troops would pull out. Duh, bad idea. Then all the terrorists have to do is sit tight until that day rolls around and they are home free. Besides we are never going to fully pull out. Just accept that we are going to be there in some capacity for a long time to come. The search for weapons of mass destruction yielded nothing. Personally I say this was a blessing. It was just a rumor that we were acting on in the first place. Then again so was Intel we had about the twin towers.

National security- They complain that the government is butting into our private lives (like they weren't already, please). Then they complain because why didn't the government do something. Well you can't have it both ways so chill out already.

I could go discuss a few more scenarios but I will stop for now. I know I am gonna get it for this post. I can practically smell Samantha stewing from GA.
Okay, let the public beating begin.

Mental disorders are the new Normal!

I was reading that like 1/3 of the population in the U.S. suffers from at least one panic or anxiety attack per year. Most of them do not develop anxiety or panic disorders but the number that do is staggering and on the rise. Anxiety and Panic disorder effect more people that OCD, bipolar, schizophrenia, PTSD, ADHD, Phobias, Alcohol Abuse, or depression. Given that statistic only 21% actively seek help for it. Anxiety Disorder strikes between 3 and 6 million people and is more likely in women than in men. That is a lot of people!

Anxiety disorder has been my private monster for more than 16 years. I clearly remember being seven years old and in a full on attack. It was terrifying. My skin felt like it was on fire yet chilled. I had the shakes, nausea with vomiting, and a strong belief that I was going to die. I am one of those lucky people that has genetics going against them. On my mother's side of the family there is a chemical imbalance that is passed down like a treasured heirloom. We do not create the proper level of chemicals in our brains that we should. I know that for myself it creates headaches and dizzy spells that do not sit well with my stomach. Feeling sick makes me cranky and I lash out at those around me. Then I feel bad since they did not do anything to deserve being yelled at. Thank God I found therapy and strong medication!

There are those out there *ahem Mr. Tom "I <3 class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_4">meds and get a real dose of crazy. There was one time in my life that I spent 2 months off any medication because I had no insurance. They were horrible. Yes I could function on the most basic of levels but I did not want to. Everything was a hassle and I constantly felt like crap. So now I am "normal" again. I like my normal better than Tom's. I saw that episode of Oprah on youtube. No way is that boy sane.

I...need...energy...

Lethargic is the word of the day.

I have so many things I need to be doing but alas they sit untouched. And why is it so freaking hot!? August be gone! My poor A/C cannot keep up with the hotness. My son is dressed in nothing but a diaper. He is embracing his inner redneck baby. I wish I could run around in so little but I find the cuteness factor is just not there for me. I am off to forage for food.

Pregnancy- It ain't a bed of roses.

One more reason to go batty for baby? Crampiness. It is common for women in their first month to experience cramping and even a little bleeding. The bleeding is know as implantation bleeding. I do not have cramps every month like a lot of women. Somehow it seems unfair to be free of a period for 40 weeks and NOW get cramps. But mother nature is fair. Generally the girl who never got morning sickness was the same one with uncontrollable gas. No woman gets out unscathed. The ones who claim they were the happiest and most beautiful pregnant lied. How can you be? You cannot stuff two people in one body and expect it to be pretty. I am not saying that I do not get behind the miracle of birth cause I do. I just want women out there to understand that it is not glamorous, changes your body forever, and makes you certifiably mad.

I feel for the first time moms who read the books that talk about human gestation like anything other than a total body experience. These girls think they are going to give birth and then be back into a size 2 in under 3 months by breast feeding. Boobs are also gonna morph into something else. I do agree that we preggos are glowing (that is the perspiration) and gorgeous. Just give us the respect we deserve for a job that is no cake walk.

I recommend "The Girlfriend's Guide to Pregnancy" to all women (and men) out there. It is a more realistic view of the whole process told from the views of those of us in the motherhood sorority. Those things you don't dare ask your Doctor about. If you have ever been pregnant, even if it was 30 yrs ago I still say read it. The author is hilarious and makes you feel oh so better about the fact that your butt has grown larger than your tummy or you found a stray hair in a place that shouldn't have sprouted.

Let the fun begin!

Okay so maybe it is not a secret anymore. I did after all post a news flash just hours after finding out. For you slow people out there, I am pregnant! Yay!

Two months of "hard work" paid off. I am going into the clinic in the morning to get the official blood test. Not so enthusiastic about the needle part. When you are pregnant they draw your blood a lot. I once said that the reason your body creates so much extra blood is so the vampire doctors can steal it for testing. They test you for STD's, which really I think is sort of a moot point at this stage. If that test popped positive J and I would be having a serious discussion about fidelity and what happens to cheating dogs who bring home crabs!

But my hubby is a great man who loves me to pieces (a feeling that is most definitely returned) and was all for creating critter #2. We affectionately call out unborn children parasites. Why? Well I really am the host body to a being the feeds totally off of me. Considering how sick I got with Rory I was more than a little peeved with the whole arrangement. What could I do though? I loved my little guy even when he was just a bunch of cells. I couldn't get upset at him. My only payback way referring to him as a parasite. But only in the kindest of tones, I promise.

J had to go back into work tonight. I am eating pizza roils with a tall glass of 2% milk and watching "From Dusk Til Dawn". You know me and the horror movies. How I can eat during these gore fest films is beyond me. Ask me to watch CSI and I cannot have any food near me or else I get sick. Maybe it is that CSI is more realistic in my mind. I have two of my favorites set to record this week. "Alien" & the sequel aptly named..."Aliens". Those sly film makers. Where do they get their ideas!

News Flash

I AM PREGNANT!!!!!!!!!

Tag I'm it!

I got tagged by Lavender Chick to do this 8 Random Facts/Habits

Rules:
1. Post the rules, before you post the facts.
2. Start with 8 random facts/habits.
3. People who are tagged need to write their own posts about their own 8 facts and post these rules.
4. At the end of your post you need to tag 8 people and let them know they've been tagged.

Facts About Me:
1. I do not have a favorite color. When I was young(er) it was hot pink but then one day I just had no preference.

2. I have only ever dated one man. We met when I was 14 and the rest is history. We married on our four year anniversary.

3. I broke my tongue when I was 15. You think I am kidding but I have the medical chart to prove it.

4. I cannot sleep without atleast three pillows. Two for my head and one in between my knees. The knees must never touch while sleeping!

5. Absoulutely hate driving on bridges.

6. I lived in a haunted house. Several people had expriences of the supernatual while visiting.

7. I’m severely allergic to Salicylic acid better known as aspirin.

8. Listed among the childhood illnesses in my baby book you will find two dog bites and a case of posioning. Aren't you glad I was not your kid?

Tag! Shelly, Samantha, Mac, Hollin, Christina, My sister in law, Daly, & Thomas.

Motherhood with a side of guilt

I laid Rory down for his afternoon nap and my cell phone rang. It was my girl KT who just entered the wonderful world of motherhood three weeks ago. We talked about all the little newborn milestones. Sometimes we Moms all feel a little like the cat above. Drowning in a sea of uncertainty. What is it about motherhood that incites such guilt in us? It is not guilt over rational things either.

It is about such random weirdness like wether formula tastes bad to baby?

Does he hate the smell of the detergent I use??

gasp! should I have even used detergent?!?

If you hold baby too long then you think you are spoiling him gut if you but him down to go pee then you are evil for abandoning him. Is there a chemical in the brain that creates this insanity and can we fix it? Seasoned mothers try to ease the fears and anxiety of the newbies but to be honest we too have hangups. I refuse to feed my son fish until he is three. Call it a personality quirk but at least I recognize it. Anyways we go out to eat and since I l-o-v-e seafood i order it a lot. When Rory reaches for what is on my plate I have to tell him no when usually he eats what I do. Does he think Mommy doesn't love him because she won't share? Probably not. It is what I think about though. I told KT that someday we all reach that point when we realize we are not bad mothers, just exhausted and mentally impaired as mothers.

What is your strangest mom worry?

Shark Week Pt. Duex!

I watched the 'Sharkman' yesterday. He is the guy who was trying to hypnotize a great white in open water. Depending on your definition of hypnotize I suppose he sort of succeeded. He also narrowly escaped being a wholesome snack a few time. I still think he is out of his gourd. I would like to say that the images they played of sharks being mistreated by humans was horrible. I am anti shark but that does not mean I want them to become extinct. it means Bridget keeps her pasty pale tail out of their front yard. Bridget hates spiders, snakes, and many other creepy crawlies but she prefers them to still be alive, just somewhere else. I also am aware that should I run across any of these creatures I was probably asking for it.

Back on topic. These fisherman that harvest the shark fins for soup are evil! They catch the sharks, cut off all the fins and then throw it back into the ocean. Mom said she saw a medical show that talked about the people who actually eat shark fin soup regularly are becoming impotent from a chemical found in the fins. Sounds like justice to me. Too bad veal cannot do the same to you. A man named Doc Gruber is working on a shark repellent that would prevent even more sharks from hurting themselves or others. You rock Doc!

I am going to go watch 'Army Wives' now.

Shark Week

Shark week on the discovery channel has once again reared its ugly head. Massive amounts of conflicting information thrown at us from opposite camps. One side wants us to believe that sharks are fluffy sweet care bear like creature that feel guilty when they mistake you for a junior mint. The other side is usually missing a body part that was borrowed and not returned by said toothy care bear. Personally I think they have run out of ideas for shows. Most of the weeks programming consists of documentaries from as far back as the 90's. About two years ago I watched a scientist try and proof that you could stand in the water while sharks were feeding and not get bitten. He is one of the fluffy shark people. Well Mr. Scientist had his calf muscle removed when one of the sharks decided he did not feel like waiting his turn in the chow line. The really funny thing is that the following year they had this whole two hour segment to figure out what went wrong. I can clear this up for you guys. You went in the water with sharks. There is a reason why you have to sign a waiver before doing shark diving adventure at resorts. We common folk may not have your fancy schooling but we know that anything with big teeth is best left alone.
This year I plan to watch some guy who plans to hypnotize a great white in open water. To me this translates to watching some guy get eaten so next years memorial about his wonderful life will make sense to me.

Animal Commentary

Cat: Finally some time to myself. Gonna sit here in my fierce feline pose and maybe cruise for some young thang. Oh yea, I am the cat's meow, I am tha -

Cat: What? Why are you looking at me like that?

Puppy: Snuggle? Am scared and alone.

Cat: If the other cats see this my rep is gonna take such a hit.

Puppy: Could you purr please? The rumbling helps me sleep.

Cat: I am such a push over.

TGIF ya'll.