When smart people go stupid

According to the this site
Stupid:
stu·pid adjective, noun 1. lacking ordinary quickness and keenness of mind; dull.

I am not saying that these people are stupid all the time. There are just spaces of time where the brain appears to slow down causing lapses in judgement. Unfortunately the brain might not speed back up until some part of your body is being gnawed on.
If you are attacked while hunting, surfing, hiking, jogging in the woods, camping etc. you have my sympathies but you did ask for it. On youtube there are countless videos of people preforming acts that can only been done when that quickness of mind is on the fritz.

For instance this woman who was a student serving on the National Oceanic and Atmospheric Administration research ship Discoverer. She had to be smart to get this six month tour but when she decided to take a swim in the balmy waters about 300 miles east of Easter Island she met up with a great white. Heather Boswell does not blame the shark she says, as well she shouldn't. In the ocean it is the law of the biggest predator. We are not it!

Don't get me started on surfing. Attach a fiberglass board to a human and instant seal look alike. Go ahead. Surf. Don't complain when Jaws mistakes you for a little debbie.

Hunters. If it eats you before you eat it, don't complain.

I love the zoo but can you guess how many ammeter videos there are showing people being attacked? Yikes. Take the recent Bokito incident. The gorilla got out of his enclosure which is really amazing since he had to cross a water barrier and gorillas can't swim. I go to the zoo to see animals that I would never get to see close up. I know that the zoo has put forth measure to try and ensure my safety but you can only do so much. Bokito proved that.

I am still going to the zoo. If I get attacked and die just put "I told me so" on my grave.

Now do not get me wrong. I think that we should all be able to live life without fear of animals. All I am asking for is a healthy respect for the fact that they are natural predators. If you go into their "house" expect to play by their rules. Do not come out of it with all the whining about "I don't know what happened." You were available that is what happened.
"What did I do to provoke it?" Gee I dunno, breathe? I don't usually see grizzly bears so if I do I am going to be provoked to get a gun and shoot it. My guess is the bear feels similar about me.

The sun is hot

Rory finally has his first speech appt. scheduled. I am supposed to keep a list of any "words" i think I hear. Supposed;y he might be talking to him but to us it is kind of scrambled. Miss Beth is going to unscramble the Rory speak. So far I have
Ra - for a response to his polar bear's growl
Ma - Nope not talking to me. for a response to the kitty
Ya ya ya - delight?
Bu bwa - yea I have no idea on this one.

I ordered a porta crib for the little monster. Between the trip to Texas in two weeks and J's deployment to Florida for four months, we are about to be doing a lot of traveling and I am a strict no sleep with mommy and daddy parent. The crib holds up to 40 pounds and collapses so that it fits into the back of my truck. Neat-o!
I know that we will go see J for at least three visits so that crib ought to come in handy.

Bad news, my A/C is trying to quit! I hate, loathe, despise hot weather. I would rather not have heat in the winter than be without subzero temperatures blowing out of my air vents. Maybe it is from spending most of my life in Texas. I just do not tolerate the heat. The really sad thing is that our unit is only one year old. The company that installed it for us last year is supposed yo "work in" an appointment for us tomorrow. J looked at it and it appears that something was put on upside down. Don't you kind of have to be observant to work with electricity and stuff? So now our a/c unit does not drain the way it should and is shorting out. My confidence in the situation is dragging.

I can justify $300 on flowers @ Lowe's

I did some gardening today. Very therapeutic. The fam and I went to Lowe's and bought three large cedar planters and tons of flora for the front yard. My mission for this summer had been to remove the silver dollar rocks out of the flower bed that is half the length of my house. The previous owner decided she did not want to garden and created a rock bed instead. I loathe the rock bed. When it first got warm I managed to move half of them out of my way. The I decided I quit. Shoveling rocks is prison detail. My entire body felt like I had been beaten with the shovel.
Mom came up with the idea of just putting large planters in the rocky area. So now I have half mulch and half rock. It actually looks okay. We are going to finish it all up tomorrow. I will snap some pics to put on here. After this weekend I will be done with the beautification of my front yard. Now I have to tackle the back.
Met up with four spiders. I only killed one. I feel like that is a step in the right direction. The one I killed had an egg sac so she had to go. Last thing I need is a population spike. My foot does itch so maybe she got me before she died. That is only fair I suppose. I do not wear shoes or gloves when I do yard work. My neighbors wonder if I even have shoes. Guess that is my "country" showing through as Britney spears would say. I am just asking for something to chew on me every time I go outside. Rory chased a spider in Lowe's. He wanted to play with it. Going to need to talk to that boy.
Smells like something crawled in the garage and died. J said it it probably a mouse or something. I pray it is not Harvey. Most likely there is a tiny bag of Mcd's hiding behind something

Psychotic breaks & Bible questions

This afternoon I treated my family to a mommy dearest meltdown that would have made Joan Crawford proud. No I did not beat any one with a wire hanger. I did how ever make a list of new house rules.
1. Trash goes IN the trash can.
2. If the trash can is full, please change the liner. Proceed to rule one after this task is completed. 3. Dirty clothes are for the hamper.
4. If you use it, PUT IT BACK!
5. All personal items are to be stored in your own space.
Not a long list and fairly simple. I am a huge culprit in my house so I have to remind myself to clean up my own mess. Hopefully this will make my job of keeping the house clean easier and create less tension between me, mom, and john. Rory of course has me to do all of his bidding.

Changing the subject, I noticed something eerie in my kiddo's room. I was laying on his floor watching him play. Above me on the wall is a wallpaper mural of Noah's ark. On the ark with Noah there are various animals including a pair of Giraffes. What drew my attention was one of the giraffe's was coming off the wall. His little head was hanging halfway down. I got some tape and stuck him back in the erect position.
I stood back to admire the cutesy little scene as I have done several time since originally applying it. That was when it hit me. Not only are there two giraffes ON the ark, there are two giraffes OFF the ark. That is four giraffes. This was a kit I purchased so who ever made it obviously did not pay attention is Sunday school. The story I read only had two, one male and one female . Mom said they must have just come to say goodbye. In which case they are going to drown and boy do they seem cheery about it. It is kind of depressing.

Food for thought- I remember being little and confused as to how this whole ark thing was supposed to work. I got the part that the pair Noah took with him where supposed to be the breeders for the new species and all that but what next? Even if they had lots of babies where the kids supposed to do it with their brothers/sisters? I also applied this to Adam and Eve. As a kid this freaked me out.
Once I asked my Mom if Jesus and Mary Magdalene got married. She told me "No, Jesus never married anyone." I was really sad about that. How lonely it must have been to never be able to get married and have kids.

I was an over thinker even then.

Foul Flavored Green

My son has just entered the no vegetable stage of his life. He is also shaking his head vigorously at most meat in favor of any starch he can get his tiny little paws on. Today he refused a sour patch kid because it was green. Does green have a flavor? My son thinks so. Apparently it is foul.

For some kids this is a phase. To others it is a just a part of their personality. I love all vegetables. I am not a picky eater at all. J is though. Both of us hope that Rory will grow out of this and develop a varied palate like me. There are a few foods that are persona non Grata for me. I will not eat cole slaw no matter how it is made. Artichokes gag me. Once upon a time I liked them but after being pregnant I can no longer see them with out needing to get some air. Butterfingers, nope. Not for me. I got sick after eating one when I was about eight. Ever since then I have shunned them.

Is it all in my head? Yep, but it goes straight to my stomach.

I might need a time out for this one.

I am a bad mom. I am eating a box of buncha crunch and hiding it from my son. When I say I am hiding it I mean that I have gone completely off the grin to enjoy my chocolaty goodness. I have become the Nestle Ninja.

Rory is strapped to his booster seat in the kitchen. I can keep an eye on him from my hidey hole while he munches on nutritious cheese. He knows I am up to something, he just can't see what.
It is not that I do not want him to have the sugar. Dinner is still a ways off. He just had his nap so it would not interfere with that. I am just being selfish. I do not want to share dang it!
As a mom I shared my body for ten months. I gave of myself so that he could eat, sleep, and poop on his own time table. I even share everything I eat with him since the first time he began table food.

Well except fish. No fishy for the kiddo. My only big feeding no-no. I will not let him eat fish until he is three and no shell fish until 5. Hey, we all got to have out little weird mommy tics.

I think that on a daily basis Rory gets more of the choicest morsels from three different individuals plates. I do not begrudge him this. He is my son and I want him to have the best of everything. But I do not think my box of buncha crunch is necessary to his development. Show me the stats if I am wrong, but I just have a feeling about this one.

Ever elusive sandman

I should be off in the land of nod right now but sleep is elusive tonight. Rory has been teething. He just cut two of his molars and I do believe he is going for two more. This makes for cranky baby that does not like to sleep.


This makes for cranky mommy !


I took a nap with him this morning and we both slept for almost three hours. I will be so happy when he gets back on a schedule.


Mac and I are going for our walk in the morning at ten. It is really nice to have some one to talk to. It makes that 3/4 of a mile seem short. She introduced Rory to suckers, thus winning a place in his heart forever. If you get a chance shoot on over here and check out the pics she took on our zoo trip.


K's husband got a job today. Yay! He starts Thursday so I will finally get my phone buddy back. K and I have spent the last year or so talking on the phone at least twice a day. Since May we have not been able to what with the JB Sr home and the new baby. They also just moved from one town to another. Lots of excitement over there. K assures me that she loves me and I am not forgotten.

Who could forget me?

I am going to try and track down the sandman. Maybe if I bribe him with candy he will give me hit me with his sack of sleeping powder. That'd be nice.


By the way here is a new pic of MK and JB Jr (K's Kiddos)

Moms need bunko time

This morning before he went into work the hubby says, "I think I have finally figured out why bunko is so important to you."

FYI: Bunko is a dice came.

I play it once a month with a group of military wives I have come to adore. We eat and laugh. Every one gets a prize at the end. I love it.
I have been playing for coming up on four years.
I have been arguing with J about my attendance at said monthly game for coming up on four years.

We do not argue so much as he expresses his wish that I was home with him rather than out.
Its only one night a month so I tell him to suck it up, I'll be home before 10 PM
So when he told me today that he had finally figured out my bunko obsession I was intrigued.
"It is the one night you get to spend some time away from Rory."

B-I-N-G-O!

I love my kiddo but being a stay at home mom I never really get any time away from him.

I know that probably makes me sound bad but I spend Monday through Friday, weekends, holidays, 24/7, 365 days a year. 366 during leap year.

Sometimes, sometimes a mom just needs time that does not include diapers and sippy cups. Most of my friends are in the same exact boat as me. We are all so giddy just to be away from the house without the family that occasionally we just giggle for no reason. By the time we leave it is out of our system and we want to get back to our precious offspring.

J wanted me to know that if I needed any other night off to let him know.

As cute a vermin can be

This is Harvey.

Harvey is a field vole.

Harvey lives in a maze of complicated burrows connected underneath my front and side yards.

I just met Harvey for the first time face to face this morning.

Neither of us was very pleased.

I discovered what I have come to call "Harvey Holes" when we moved in last year. Being from Texas my first thought was snake. After briefly panicking I was informed that no those were vole burrows. "What the heck is a vole?" I asked.

Basically, it is an over sized mouse. Well that I can handle.

I find it humorous that I will go on safari for spiders or snakes but a tiny "mouse" bothers me about as much as a chihuahua. Once upon a time I actually wanted a fancy rat for a pet. Too many cats in my house though. They would be glued to his little tank windows 24/7. I decided that might do some emotional or psychological damage to said fancy rat. I had a hamster though as a kid. It bit me and died. That was a traumatic time for me.

We have a lawn service that comes and sprays every month to keep the grass pretty. Harvey appears to fine with that. Also Harvey eats the grubs in the soil that kill my grass. Go Harvey!

He not only eats bugs but smaller animals like say field mice.

Oh I like Harvey.

He seems to have no interest in coming indoors and keeps other vermin from doing so. Harvey is my little buddy. I talk to him when I garden outside. Unlike the evil squirrels from base housing Harvey is not a vegetarian intent on eating all of my plants. Good boy, Harvey!

As to our chance meeting this morning, no matter how much I like Harvey I do not want to meet him when I am barefoot and about to squish him. Harvey can really move. He trucked it back home. "Stay downstairs Harvey!" I told him. Poor little fella probably had a heart attack.

I assume he is a "fella".

I am not going to turn him over to check.

May Movie Madness

I feel like I am drowning in DVDs. I am so behind. Blockbuster keeps calling telling me to bring back their movies. Today I have decided to watch them before Jack Bauer comes banging down my door demanding I release the hostages. In between taking care of Rory and doing my usual household chores I managed to knock out four of the five.

The hostages list:
1. 'The Hitcher' - A cautionary tale of why we are told to never pick up hitchhikers. I thought it was good. The fact that the female lead, Grace (Sophia Bush), did not spend the movie waiting for the man to rescue her was a major selling point for me. I hate the whiny chicks typically found in horror movies. Killing them is actually doing the community a service. Sean Bean was SO good at being bad. Neal McDounough is also in this film. Mom and I think he is a hottie. All in all not a waste of my time. I give it an B+

2. John Carpenter's 'The Thing' - Never saw this movie before today. I know, how can I call my self a horror movie fanatic and not have seen this before. Well I was not allowed to watch any scary movies as a kid. It was not until my senior year that I began to watch them on a regular basis. I have so much catching up to do! I did love this movie. Even if it is an "older" movie it still has that ability to get its point across. I wish Carpenter still made movies this good today. A+

3. 'Blood Legend' - Watched first five minutes. Had to stop it because the acting was making me retarded. No point in even scoring it.
4. 'Snow White'- Not the Disney version. This movie starred the little girl that played Rosaleen in 'In the Company of Wolves' (which is an excellent but obscure movie.) I saw this one originally as a kid and has always been my favorite version of the fairy tale. Much darker than Disney. More like the original Grimm's. A-

5.'Valley Girl'- Alas I did not watch this one today. It stars a young Nicolas Cage. Maybe someday but for now I think I will return it unwatched. I will reserve my critique for now.

Odd mix of genre's I know. Now all I have to do is weed throught the twenty some odd shows that re recorded on the DVR.

When Math married English

Feeling accomplished today. I noticed that in the past two weeks I have written over 33 pages for the book. J asks, "That's all?"
Can you feel his sense of pride in me? Oh yea, I feel it. He asked me how many chapters I have written and I said around eight. Keep in mind that this is my first time through the actually storyline and my chapters are more like segments to be expanded on. Cue the husband, "33 pages is one chapter in the books I read."
Mm-hm... What book would that be honey? J does not read. I bought him a copy of Dean Koontz's 'Velocity' for his birthday one year and had to return it for a copy on CD. If he does read then it is by divine intervention alone. Then it will be a computer Manuel written in code. What normal person would read that? Don't get me wrong I love my nerd. He can do more things with that mega melon of his in one day than I achieve in a year. It has been decided that when it come to computers and literature we will just have to agree to disagree.

Another thing about this book deal. I am writing a vampire love story if you want to boil it down to a synopsis in three words or less. The problem I am having is that when I get to the "loving" I start to think, "My first grade teacher might read this."
Not to mention my friends. I worry more about my more conservative christian friends. Granted conservative Christians have sex too but I am not so sure that they read it in novel form. I think I am thinking about this too much.
Besides who says it will ever get published but I like to have dreams of grandeur. Or mass delusions whatever you want to call it.

Rory is supposed to be taking a nap but I keep hearing his learning worm sing on the monitor. "One little birdie singing so sweet/ one happy ____ and one big tweet."
As many times as I have heard that little ditty I should know all the words. It is going to bug me all day that I don't. Such is life.

Patti LaBelle knows her ABC's

My little white boy has some soul in him. Today on Sesame Street Patti LaBelle was the guest. She sang the ABC's in her form fitting black sequin dress. An amazing lady for sure. I have always been a fan of old rhythm and blues. The Supremes was a particular favorite of mine as a child. Before Patti's segment began Rory had been running laps around the coffee table with his dump truck. The minute she began to sing he skidded to a halt. The ABC song only lasts for so long though. After it was over Rory decided that maybe if he beat the T.V. she would come back for an encore. No such luck but an A+ for effort!

I got the ball rolling on his speech evaluation today. The doctor seems concerned that he does not talk. One of my Aunts in Texas mentioned his speech delay to my old family physician there. His response, "Poor kid probably can't get a word in edgewise considering who his mother is."

I had not thought of this before but he might be on to something. I suppose I could talk less. Nah I might slip into a coma or something if I tried that.

Grandma and Rory are hanging out right now. If J or Mum Mum is around who needs mom right? At least that is Rory's way of thinking. I know he loves me but he also knows Mom is the most likely to discipline. Even if he is with the other two adults in the house I get called for punishment and poopy diapers. Rory knows Mom means business. Daddy can be swayed with X's & O's. I might have taught him that one, he he.

Daddy's little clone

Rory is such a good kitty. We hope he will grow into those ears someday.

Every one thinks that I have such a quiet and sweet little boy. I do, in public. At home where he is free of critics he lets it all hang out. If he is being quiet it usually signals either a plot afoot or that he is unconscious. Like the calm before the storm he will brew silently before springing into action. Right now he is chasing Clio with my hair brush. Do I know how he got my hair brush? Nope. I keep it in a little caddy on the wall of the bathroom. I have to stand on tip toe to reach it. If I had to guess I would say Daddy must have played a part in his obtaining it. Daddy and Rory can be found at the scene of any crime. More often than not together.

About a half hour ago J noticed the house was quiet except for the sounds of gunfire coming from the XBOX. (Surely you did not think my house was devoid of ALL sound? With four people, six cats, and two dogs noise is part of life.) Well, we found our son sitting next to the toy box in the living room "reading" a book on elephants. Finally one of my genes is surfacing in my son! It is about dang time. Since birth Rory has been the carbon copy of his Father. I am happy that they will have so much in common but I would like just a little something that shows I am his mother.

I did carry him for ten months. It was me that threw up more than any woman should ever have to. I was the poster child for abstinence with all of my morning sickness. I swore I would never do this again. In the end I got a kid that is the spitting image of his daddy except for my super pale skin which I doubt he is going to thank me for. If he inherits his Dad's chicken legs coupled with the pasty complexion...ouch! Puberty should be fun.

Just rambling today

I did the Denise Austen work out this morning. No way will I ever look as comfortable as she does doing it. I probably resemble a bear trying to balance on a ball. Balance is something my family does not have. I will admit to feeling better after though. Denise Austen is the only fitness personality I can stand. I think it is because she is so nice you cannot help but like her. It would be like saying you do not like Mother Teresa or Gandhi. I doubt that Denise has done as much for the world but if she can deliver on her promises I will nominate her for sainthood. After aerobicizing Rory and I went for a walk equivalent to 3/4 of a mile with Mac and her little girl. We pushed the kids in strollers. For a minute there you thought I was a toddler drill sergeant huh?

I dreamed about aliens again. Not just any aliens but the one from the movie "Aliens." I have been doing this since I was a kid. I love horror flicks. That one is the only one that has stuck with me. Well "Gremlins" hung on for a while but I just have a hard time any more being afraid of something that does not even reach my knee. "Aliens" will always be my favorite I think but I pay for it. I am glutton for punishment. Everyone knows how I feel about spiders. I will watch "Arachnophobia" every time it is on t.v.


We horror flick junkie really do not make a lot of sense.

Speaking of things that do not make sense I watched a video on you tube of a baby rattlesnake on some one's back patio. The girl was talking about how they were not going to kill it. Um, excuse me? I know that PETA will have my hide for this but I say if it is in my yard it dies. As a matter of fact several have died in my yard. Not here in IL of course, but in TX. One of the things I like about IL is the lack of snakes. Spiders are smaller here for the most part. I have only run across one that was big. And before you ask yes I killed him. Judging by his size he had lived a long happy life already.

Linus, our golden retriever, has been bitten by a rattlesnake twice. Linus is super friendly and could not understand why the snakes would not play with him. He is not the brightest dog but we love him still. Here is a picture of our little backyard welcoming committee.





He really is a good dog.

Well I need to get ready for our trip to St. Louis this afternoon. Arg! I hate going to the VA clinic but they are free medical care for mom so we go. Just have to suck it up and smile like a big girl.

Happy Mother's Day

In honor of Mother's Day I am going to write a little about my mommy today.

What to say about the woman that gave birth to me, raised me, and continues to support all that I do? She is the best mom ever! Then again I might be slightly partial. I was far from the perfect kid.

When I was three my best buddy Matt and I removed the skirting from all of the mobile homes in our trailer park hunting for Roley polies.

I got a black eye in preschool. I hit the corner of the piano bench when leaping out at my mom, who had no idea I was coming. She was supposed to catch me you see. When asked how I received it politely replied, "My mommy did it."

I am told that I was once asked which lady was my mom. I told them it was the one with the grey hair. And who do you think gave her those grey hairs?

At five I asked for a hand saw so i could cut down the tree in my Grandmother's front yard. I had tried to climb it without success so of course the tree was at fault. My grandmother gave me a chair to help me in my climbing endeavors. (This ought to tell you something about the genius of the woman my mother calls mom.)

I thought my mom had the tooth fairy, Santa, the Easter bunny, and God on speed dial. While I stopped believing in holiday spirits around nine years old my belief that regarding God and Mom's relationship stuck around well into high school. I never snuck out of the house for this reason.

I am being paid back for all of these events now with my own child. My grandmother says I was my mother's payback for all of her childhood escapades. Personally I think my mom got a bit more payback than she deserved.

All kidding aside my mother is a daily help for me. Whether she is wrangling my son or just making me laugh Mom makes each day more enjoyable. Happy Mother's Day to all you rad Mama's out there!

Saturday Morning Cartoons- 80's style

My memories of the 80's are sparse except for the cartoons I watched. I can clearly remember Lady Lovely Locks and the Pixie Tails was as vital to me as air. I even dressed up in a home made Lady Lovely Locks costume one year for Halloween complete with pixie tail hair accessories. My first year of college I found all my dolls and play sets in the attic. I think I had every piece of merchandise ever marketed.

And what about Jem and the holograms? You could go from business woman to rock star all from one set of earrings. Unfortunately they were phased out during the heart of barbie mania. I was bummed until Mattel came out with Barbie and the Rockers. I switched over without any real trouble. I even had the lunchbox. What did I know about loyalty? I was five for crying out loud! Besides Barbie did not have that whole complicated love story with Rio, Jerrica/Jem, and Riot. it was always vinyl head Ken. Made life simpler.

Rainbow Brite was never a big thing in my house. I did have one Rainbow Brite movie that I watched until it quit working. "Rainbow Brite and the Star Stealer" . Scary that I remember the title. Even scarier that I remember the entire movie.

Strawberry Shortcake annoyed me. I think it was the smell all the dolls had. For some reason I just disliked her intensely. Apparently I had issues even then.

My ultimate fav was She-Ra. I was over the moon for that show. The only thing that I did not like was that He Man was her brother. I wanted then to hook up. I got over it quickly and learned to accept Bow as the love interest. I tried to watch a few episodes of the series recently. Beloved childhood cartoons do not translate into adulthood. So sad really. Rory loved it though. Better than Sponge Bob I guess.

AntiSpider Propaganda

Spiders seem to be the theme today. For some reason they were on my mind last night and then again today. My friend Bradford found a whole nest of them in her basement. She said I would have had a fit. Quite right Bradford! There are few things that will make me move the kitchen stove. I do not even clean under it before company comes. If a spider should run there to hide though all bets are off. I do not just hate spiders I loathe them. I will not rest until I can identify the dead body of any arachnid intruder. Why am I become so hostile you ask? I have my reasons.

My mother had a house built when I was in the eighth grade. After we moved in we noticed we were not alone. These wood spiders the size of my hand would just run across the floor. Thankfully I have cats. They loved to chase them. This is not what really turned me against spiders. Not one of my fondest memories but I understand that our house deprived them of their previous habitat. I am not heartless, I was all for relocation. Them not me, of course. I even tried to run them out the back door so they would not have to die. I did not think having all eight legs ripped off by a cat was a nice death.

Then they had to go and draw first blood. Not once but twice I have been the midnight snack for a brown recluse. I did not even know it until the bite began to do what most brown recluse bites do. If you have never seen the damage a brown recluse can do, spare yourself. Having said that you are going to go Google it right now huh?

Anyways, I was lucky and did not get the nasty lesions some people do. The Doctor gave me some cream and fixed me right up. I do have a small scar though. The first time I let it slide. The second time I decided something must be done. Form then on if I saw a spider I killed it. This might require stake outs on my part but they all fell to my wrath in the end. I do not discriminate, I want all spiders to die.

I like to see them at the zoo though.

A tale of two or more kitties

Sleep was interrupted by Pickles. She was bathing herself on my head. I decided to give her some privacy. I have such strange animals. To say that they have personality is an understatement. One of them has several personalities. Such an over achiever. I am going to try and get back to sleep. Before I go here are some pics and bios for the felines in my house. I had to leave out one of them cause she is camera shy and does not want her information disclosed on the Internet. Witness protection thing.

Miss Kitty affectionately known as Psycho Kitty - Anti social behavior and severe mood swings guaranteed a place in the family. Enjoys licking pictures, mirrors, and windows.

Queen Clio - Mob boss for the feline underworld. Has high connections among the humans specifically the man called "J". Nemesis of Mr. Squeaks from the back bedroom.

Eris a.k.a. The Russian Princess- Adopted daughter of Clio. Spies for humans in exchange for full body rubs.

Pickles- Doubles as a paperweight. Detests human child Rory.
Mr. Squeaks of the Back Room- Loyal subject to Beverly of the Back Room. Deadly assassin and asthmatic contortionist

just icky

Yesterday was "Please do not talk to me or I might have to kill you" day. I had trouble sleeping the night before. Once I finally did get to sleep Rory woke up and had trouble going back to sleep. I think we were playing sleep tag. Finally around 6 a.m. he gave up. Thankfully he slept until ten. As I tried to dress him he decided to whack me in the mouth with the back of his head. Don't you just love kids? We went to IHOP for breakfast before going to Walmart. That is where my foul mood began. I have no clue why other than grocery shopping is probably my least favorite form of shopping. Rory was in such a good mood. He loves to get out and go. After shopping I had enough time to shower before going to the base for my yearly gynecological exam. Yippy skippy. Nothing like having a a speculum jammed into the most tender of orifices to brighten your day.
I tried to shake off that experience while waiting for my birth control prescription to be filled. Well they filled it and stuck it up on the shelf. Never called my name. Just forgot me. I had the pleasure of meeting one of the most annoying children in the world during this time. Her father let me run around like a heathen. I just played tetris on my phone in self defense. I did not want to have to yell "Hey Moron, control your kid!" at her dad.
After 45 minutes I went to the window prepared to vent my frustrations on the lady behind the counter. Well she had to go and be all nice to me. Just blew all the mind out of my sails. Now I have all this pent up angst and no one to spend it on. I really wanted to go home and sleep but I had bunco. No way was I missing my one night a month I get to spend with my girls. In retrospect they may have wished I stayed home. I hope I was not rude to anyone.
When I got home and went to bed I could not sleep. ARRRGHH! I tried to take a hot shower but Rory woke up hysterical. J slept through this event of course. I got back in bed around midnight. Today I am going to have a mental health day. I think I need it.

Midwest top ten

I was thinking about how growing up in rural Texas has made me naive. I had quite the culture shock when I moved to the Midwest. Here are a few of the things that threw me. Let my ignorance be your entertainment!

1. Fire ants. I thought that all ants were fire ants. As a child I remember that if one bit you then you knew is instantaneously. If you saw the hill you avoided it at all costs. Or put fire crackers in it, whatever. I also remember my mother putting poison on the hills every year. The funny thing is that they never die. All you do is force them to move the hill to a new location. So if you do this long enough you can actually move them into your neighbors yard so that they are no longer your problem. With in six months the neighbor has usually "moved" them back. This went on for years in my neighborhood. When I play outside with Rory I do not even mind the ants. I have had several crawl on me. They seem rather friendly here. Texas ants bite every time. No exceptions. I watched a documentary the other day about how introducing fire ants to new regions could destroy entire ecosystems. Who would had thought that all these years we were harboring terrorists in our backyard. I swear we didn't know.

2. Country. I define country as an are of land that has never been used by people and is in its natural state. There was over 100 acres of "country" between me and town growing up. Where is the country here? I seem to have misplaced it. Between every town was countryside. Upon moving to the Midwest I could drive through belleville, swansea, fairview heights, and o'fallon thinking I was still in the same town. I came to call this are O'BelleSea Heights.

3. Cows. Are there any here?

4. Houses are close together. My neighbors house could not even cast a shadow on our fence line back home. Up here I have seen whole communities of really expensive houses that are completely dark in between them. No sun ever. I think the further North you go the more narrow things are.

5. Crime. Ha ha. I recently had someone from back home telling me about how "bad" the crime was there. Ya'll somebody stole some ATVs and they had meth on them! I told them I would tape the news here for a week and each felony crime that happened in East St Louis I wanted a $1. I figure I should make at least $80.

6. NO ONE wants a cat. I know I have tried to give them away. Plus if you have more than two pets it is considered a zoo. I have 6 cats and two dogs. I always get this look from people after they find that out. This a household were three individuals with pets converged on one another. My husband has his cat orange Clio. I have my cat calico Miss Kitty and my Husky Lily. When we married we also picked up Pickles as community property, she is grey by the way. We moved here and rescued Eris, a Russian blue mix, outside our first apartment. Clio adopted her before we could find her a home. My mom moved in with us bringing her Golden Retriever Linus, another Calico named Tigger, and a black asthmatic cat we call "squeaks" because when he breathes he makes this squeaking noise. So see, it is not so bad.

7. People think it is hot here. I will agree that it gets very, very warm. But hot is 103 degrees at eleven a.m. Hot is melted tar on every road. Hot is roadkill that has cooked within 24 hrs.
I know hot. It ain't hot here.

8. Cornfields are creepy. I watched children of the corn. I thought it was stupid. Who would be afraid of a corn field. That was before I had seen one in person. I am afraid of cornfields thank you very much.

9. Price. Wow! I grew up in a nice 3bed/2bath house. It cost us $60,000 to build. A bank repo that needed work with the same bed to bath ration that was already built cost us over $100,000 here. Granted times have changed, but my mothers house has only increased by 20,000 so I would have paid maybe 60,000 for the home I have here if it had been in TX. Confusing but I promise it makes sense. Just go with it.

10. Roads. I think whoever designed the road system in Illinois needs to be tarred and feathered. And why does it take YEARS to finish a one mile stretch of road? Your in a huge metro are. It is not like you do not have the man power or resources.

Brain atrophy and the cat language

When did my brain stop working? When did I become so easy to confuse? I am going to blame it on kids. I have a serious case of mommy brain. Not that I was brilliant before but I am seriously stunted in mental capacity. Sure I have a big vocabulary and can say words like "cognitive reasoning" with confidence but if you cannot think of the rest of the sentence to go with it your shot. You can't just bust out with "Cognitive reasoning!" when the conversation turns to you.
In the recent weeks following the great antidepressant change I have found that my attention span is that of a fruit fly. My mom tried three times to get my attention while I was watching "The Tudors". Poor girl never managed to get it either. She finally told me she quit. About five minutes later I looked over and she wasn't there. I wondered "Where did mom go?" I wonder if the good people who made effexor intended the user to enter a state of mild catatonia. See another big word. Go me.
Another little gem from my world, my son refuses to speak. I know he is only 18 mos old and I am only slightly concerned. Other kids his age are saying "baby", " bye-bye", and "puppy", Rory won't even say "Mama" or "Dada". He does have one word he says regularly. Meow. Yep my baby speaks cat. Too bad I don't . He has his check up on Thursday so I will bring it up with the Doc. I am sure he is just taking his time like he did with walking. The way he babbles endlessly (like his mother...) tell me that he is capable of speech, just has nothing to talk to me about.
I have a lot of spelling errors when I blog I noticed. I promise that I CAN spell. I try to type as fast as I talk and my hands are just not that fast. So please write off any mistakes as enthusiasm. I promise to try and spell check before I post so that you do not go insane trying to real bridget-ese.
I can hear Rory playing Frisbee with my coasters again. Thankfully they are only J's "Simpson's" coasters. We are a very high class family, can you tell? Yep, nothing but the finest Sam's Choice has to offer for us. Seriously though, I love Walmart. Not when I have to go grocery shopping. Then I feel like i am on my way into the seventh ring of hell. On the rare occasion that all I am there for is frivolities though, bliss. I especially love it when I can leave empty handed yet satisfied. I walk passed all the annoyed consumers in the back of a 3 mile long check out line feeling spiffy about life.
Target is a favorite of mine. All of my friends like target. Turn us loose there and its like we are suddenly in Saks or something. Not that I have ever been in a Saks, but I can imagine. Of all the shopping opportunities available my true vice is large bookstores.
Borders, and Barnes, and Bam oh my! (note to reader: BAM is Books a million)
I walk in and see shelves taller than me (not saying much I know) lined with novels. Sometimes I get teary. I always try to take J with me for the top shelf. He comes in handy sometimes being that he is a whole foot taller than me. I only allow him to retrieve items for me though. I call him on his cell phone and have him meet me in a specific specific aisle. Why isn't he allowed to stay with me as I peruse you ask? Well you see I read a lot of romance. It is not all I read but about 90%. Some of it has a sci-fi or horror flavor to it but ultimately a love story. The titles for said books can be a bit corny. J likes to read them in his best breathy porn star voice. I am not amused. I would tease him for his reading choices but I cannot read computer code. He also like Dean Koontz and I cannot speak such blasphemy about him.
J likes to come up behind me when I am reading (i.e. completely oblivious to the world around me) and start reading aloud to irritate me. He uses "the voice" here too. He has learned that I can hit hard with a heavy book in hand. In case your wondering how I got into romance, funny story. I asked my grandmother about sex when I was probably in the 7th grade and she tossed me my first romance. Hey I said it was a funny story not a long one.
She has read romance and westerns for as long as I can remember. Always two or three going at a time. I average around four books a week. I think we have a speed read gene. Right now I am completely stocked up. Just had my 23rd birthday and spent around $150 to get several titles I was interested in. In the end I had 18 new books to read.
I think it is time to hop off. Rory us too quiet. I need to go and make sure he is not planning a revolt or world domination.