We Wish You a Merry Christmas

I love Max! My son sort of resembled Max this morning when he saw the Christmas Tree. He loved all his toys except for the two shirts Aunt T got him and the boat. He loves boats. We have no idea why he took one look at it and said "No." Once bath time rolls around and he sees that it floats in the tub I think he will change his mind. The Geo Air set is his favorite. We unwrapped the box and Rory said "OOH! OPEN!" He loves his GeoTrax trains and now that the company has integrated planes into the mix Rory is just in heaven. His last present was a Power Wheels Harley Davidson Motorcycle. Not that he can really use it since the weather is so nasty. We had it hidden under a blanket. The unveiling was very exciting not to mention just plain adorable to watch.

Lorelei was getting sleepy towards the end so she was not thrilled with her Cabbage Patch dolls. She is a bit young for them but really it is a doll. How old do you have to be to hold a doll? Right now she is passed out on my bed with her new glow worm. Little girls can only keep it together for so long. This big girl is waiting for nap time after lunch so she can pass out as well! The family nap is one of my favorite parts of the holidays.

Its Panto Phobia Charlie Brown!

According to Lucy on the Peanuts Christmas Special panto phobia is the fear of everything. Who said cartoons are not educational? Our dog Linus is named after the Peanuts Character. Besides the animals he is the only Charlie Brown character I like. All the others annoy me. I was always hoping that Peppermint Patty would take Lucy out to the playground and kick her...well you know. Pig Pen sure did have a lot of friends for a kid that never bathed. Where was child services? We are going to watch A Christmas Story this evening as a family. J has never seen it before. How can you say you have lived if you have never felt Ralphie's pain? It boggles the mind. My favorite Christmas movie is Scrooged with Bill Murray. It is like I strive to be abnormal. I promise is just comes to me naturally.

Aunt B, Mom, and GG arrived on Thursday evening. It was raining. What happened when rain hits concrete in below freezing temperatures? It freezes! Aunt B stepped out of the car and kissed the pavement. Mom followed her lead with David the cat in her arms. I rescued the cat while managing to stay completely upright the entire time. Yay me! J tried to run out to help GG with her walker. Lord know that is all we need this Christmas, a new hip for GG. Barefoot J hit the ice, fell, and then slid down the driveway. No broken bones but he will most likely loose the nail on his big toe. All he wants for Christmas is a new toe nail. Oh that was bad. Even for me.

Repackaged Television Nonesense

Television networks are continuously trying to introduce new ideas to the public. Every year we are bombarded with so many options that we employ DVR's in every room of the house just to have the chance to sample them all. Most of them will fail and need to be replaced by the next season continuing the cruel cycle. Why did they feel the need to bring back 90210? It was dead, buried, and decomposing in the ground. Who signed the exhumation order? A great series has a shelf life. By allowing this atrocity what will we be forced to endure in the future?
Saved by the Bell: The Suburbs. Melrose Place Retirement Community. M*A*S*H* Afghanistan.
If you are out of ideas, that is okay. Please don't punish us.

Christmas Pictures 2008

Mother and Daughter.

J cracks up Rory while Lorelei wonders what is so funny.

Rory Age 3 yrs. Christmas 2008

My pretty babies.

Lorelei age 8 mos. Christmas 2008

Merry Christmas from our family to yours.

PO'ed at the PO

Yesterday I finally got the last of the Christmas presents shipped off. I walked into the post office and took a number like I was told to. I pulled #26. The clerks were on #3. I settled in for a long wait. Several people got fed up and left. Do they think tomorrow is going to be a better day at the PO? Not likely. When #25 got up to the desk I was so ready to be next.

I had not been paying attention to the little old man with the cane. A cane I might add that never touched the floor. It just sort of hovered in midair. Maybe he uses it for a counter weight. Little old man believed that his advanced age provided an excuse to cut in front of the 30 people already in line. Four little old ladies that had waited for a turn might disagree.

He argued with the clerk that all he needed was some stamps so why should he have to wait. Well for one thing we all did. He didn't just want a few stamps, oh no. He wanted ten books! It was taking longer to argue with him than just sell him the stamps so the clerk asked if we minded. We grumbled but gave in.

This man who was in such a hurry proceeded to stand outside the PO in 20 degree weather to smoke two cigarettes. So really he was just selfish and impatient. I had my own personal mini Scrooge. It took all I had not to yell "Bah Humbug!"

Welcome to the neighborhood.

The WWF (World Wildlife Federation or is it Fund?) are reporting more than 1000 species discovered over the last decade. Read the whole article here.

"...Mekong River, which flows through Cambodia, Laos, Myanmar, Thailand, Vietnam and the southern Chinese province of Yunnan."

You can add the locations above to places I do not plan to visit. They were never all that high on my list. Among the treasure trove of new discoveries was a hot pink millipede laced with cyanide. He is very fashionable in the spring and summer but come fall he is so not in style. The color is to warn predators that not only do I taste bad but I will make you go toes up!
Plenty of lizards, fish, and snakes including this pit viper. Very pretty color but doesn't look friendly. He looks like he does not appreciate his picture being taken. As a photographer how do you snap a pic of that comfortably without a thick sheet of glass to between you. Do any snakes look friendly? Can some one find me a pic of a happy snake?

What is an expedition without spiders the size of dinner plates! Call me old fashioned but I prefer to travel sans arachnid. Lucky for the WWF the spiders were game for a little social interaction. Obviously he is not a relative of the Itsy Bitsy Spider. If this big boy had sat down next to Little Miss Muffet she would have had a massive coronary instead of just running away. Few spiders in this world earn my respect. I am a specist. I will admit it. I discriminate against certain Phylum. This arthropod I would have to his due. If I find you in my house, you can keep it. Just forward my mail.

Everything they found was not creepy crawly. Some new bats, rats, and flowers that are very pretty. My favorites were the annamite striped rabbit and the Laotian rock rat.
The tiger stripes just scream "I'm fierce, rowr!"

He reminds me of a chinchilla. I can overlook the part about him being a rat.

Missing my Lottery Tickets.

I am listening to XM 822 holly. Macy Gray is butchering the song This Christmas (Hang the mistletoe). Inigo keeps walking over to the TV and doing the famous pug head tilt. This is when a pug want to know "What is that?" You can see a demonstration here. I am very picky about my Christmas music. I prefer instrumental classics. I fond that too many singers want to put their own spin or signature on Christmas carols. That bugs me. Don't mess with the classics. Reminds me of Britney Spears doing a cover of the Rolling Stones. Sacrilege I tell you. I do like Kelly Clarkson singing My Grown Up Christmas List and Whitney Duncan - All I Want For Christmas Is You.
I like tradition. This Christmas my traditions are missing by half. We are not going to TX so we will only have my family instead of both families. On the one hand I am happy I will get to stay home for a Christmas. We have made the 620 mile drive for the last 5 years. It kills. With one kid it was torture. With two I feel like I need to pack a noose in the suitcase. I am sad that we will miss seeing all of J's family (dad's side).
The Christmas eve celebration is always a blast. We have great food to munch on and it is BYOB. Gotta love that! I get to sit and talk with relatives I rarely get a chance to catch up with. J has one cousin that I am especially close to. I hate that I will be missing out on her this year. There is this one wacky tradition they have that I think is truly unique to them. J's Aunt Taylor always buys gobs of lotto scratchers to divide among the family. There are almost 20 of us and we usually get 6 or 7 tickets a piece. No one ever wins much more than few bucks but it is hilarious. We never seem to have more than one or two coins amongst us so we all have to share them. The family that gambles together...

Thank You For Not Smoking The Drapes.

My Mother and I have always had odd conversations. My earliest memory of this was one Saturday when I could not have been older than six. I was sitting in the back seat as we passed the First Baptist Church. If you live in a small southern town you know that the First Baptist Church has the largest building of all the local churches. Ours was no different. It was impressive with a large domed steeple. As Mom drove by I noticed a large flock of birds sitting on the dome. Innocently I asked her what the birds were doing at church on Saturday. My mothers response - "Because they are Jewish." So I learned that Jewish people go to their place of worship on Saturday.
I was not the only one that asked odd questions. In Junior High Mom told me she wanted to know if I thought the Angels in Heaven wore socks. "Of course not," I told her. "They would snag on the streets of gold." She shrugged and we both went back to whatever we were doing before.
As I progressed into my teen years my questions transformed. Now I wanted to know if could date a high school senior my freshman year. My Mother asked me if I had been smoking the drapes. Smoking the drapes is a term Mom and I use lovingly when what we really want to say is "You must be high on some illicit drug because I know you are not dumb enough to ask me that seriously."
Recently it was Mom's turn again. "If you were about to eat a gingerbread man and he began to talk to you, would you continue to eat him?" Where she comes up with these scenarios is beyond me. The woman is beyond brilliant. She has two college degrees and only lacked a mere three credit hours to acquire a third. I like to humor her so I gave her an answer. "Yes I would. It is obviously a hallucination from the brownies I ate before the gingerbread man so I am going to continue to cure my munchies."

Just to clarify that last statement I am not one to do drugs. Well other than the ones I have a prescription for. Those are pretty awesome. I am a wimp anyways. Give me some NyQuil and I am told I am very entertaining.

My Children show all the signs of being just like me in the imagination department. I figure the road ahead is paved with odd questions. At least my days won't be boring. I will leave you with a family story of Mom that has to be my favorite. It also goes to show where I got my imagination from. Grandma and some neighbors had picked a bunch of strawberries and now sat at the kitchen table preparing them for canning. Mom was probably 8 or 9 months old, sitting underneath the table. Grandma and the ladies begin to hear growling. A single strawberry had rolled of the table and plopped onto the floor next to Mom. She was on her hands and knees growling at the offending fruit.

Mind Vs, Matter

Dieting sucks. Sitting on my rear praying for the weight to disappear is not working though. I will admit that I do not really diet in the traditional sense. I just try to keep an eye on what I eat and get the exercise I refuse to do without being forced. I have a whole plan yada yada yada but I am not going to bore you or me by reciting it here.

The dosage change for my meds seems to be working great. Having less of the one in my system has lifted the fog that I was unaware was floating around me. The addition of the new drugs has compensated for any backlash from the decreased dosage and balanced out some of the side effects I was having. I contemplated weather or not I was one of those people who could go off medication and rely on prayer and will power to see me through. There are people who argue with me that my issue is all a matter of mind over matter. I disagree. I know my limitations. Besides saying you have an arm after it has been amputated won't make it reappear. I think God gives us the tools we need and it is up to us to use them. I decided God would want me to be sane and not homicidal. We shall be sticking to the program.

Christmas Cards and presents are going out late this year. You might not get your gifts on Christmas day but hey at least I got you something. It is the thought that counts after all. I thought I had more money than I do. Now I know I have to wait until after payday before I will have more than moths in my wallet.

Day of the Dead (2008) (V)

*** SPOILER ALERT! ***

Plot: Residents of a small Colorado town are infected with a flu like virus that transform them into Zombies. Survivors band together to fight their way out.

Let us just get it out of the way. This is NOT a sequel to Dawn of the Dead. Ving Rhames was cast to screw with your head. He does not reprise his role from the previous Dead film. There was some commentary in the script that poked fun at the first film. That is about all they had to do with one another. This movie was not nearly as good as Dawn of the Dead.

Let us brush up on some zombie commandments. The director must have never heard of this because he failed to follow these rules.

1. Thou shalt not the Zombies smart.

We are talking about dead with reanimated cells. Zombies have basic needs. You, the living, on a platter. Therefore basic abilities are all they have to have to meet these needs. Run, jump, grab, groan. Nothing fancy. Problems solving is not allowed. The zombies have sheer numbers and the uncanny ability to smell you from far away. Problem solving is all the survivors get. Well besides fire, sharp objects, and guns. One the zombies start figuring things out, survivors can just throw in the towel. This movie was conflicting on the subject.

2. Thou shalt not humanize the zombie.

Mom, dad, sister, brother, Reverend Joe. It doesn't matter. Once zombified, you no longer classify as a person. We cry and mourn for you but quickly remove your head from your shoulders. Retaining any semblance of who you were before is a zombie movie taboo.

3. Thou shalt turn the zombies into gymnasts.

Back to that basic needs equals basic abilities thing. They might be stronger or run faster than you, but hurtle over five foot objects is out of the cards. A zombie that can jump onto the ceiling and run across it upside down like a ninja hamster is a big no no!

The only thing I can say for this movie is that they did try and give some explanation as to why the outbreak happened. A crappy, unoriginal explanation. If you cannot think of something better than "military bio weapon whoopsie" skip it and leave me wondering.

It felt very rushed. "oh no we all have the flu! No wait, not the flu we're zombies! Oh look, we're saved!" When a movie is over i do not want to be left thinking "Well that was quick. What are they whining for?"

***Trivia***

The alternate ending on the DVD has Salazar's character disappearing off screen after opening fire in the Nike missile silo. He screams, fires again, then the horde of zombies appears. The film continues exactly as it did in the theatrical release, until, as they escape in the SUV, they pass a building in the exterior of the missile base. Salazar emerges, screaming that he wasn't bitten, and muttering that everyone expects the black guy to die. He gets into the SUV, and they drive off. At that point, the screaming zombie pops into frame.

more reviews - Check!

So it seems that 99.9% of the people who find their way to me on the web is due to my horror movie reviews. Out of respect for my adoring (maybe?) public, I plan to review more flicks. I am always watching them so might as well blog my opinion. If you do not like the reviews just skip them and continue on to my normal blogging material.

The craizer I get the more it all makes sense...

This morning I had to haul myself out of bed to go to the Doctor. Nothing wrong with me (other than the obvious). Just a routine visit to follow how my antidepressant are working. A few unsavory side effects have cropped up so we played musical meds. Different dosage on one and added another. Now I am unstable enough for two medications. Spiffy!
Please note that I am just kidding. For those just joining me, my brain does not process the correct amount of the chemical serotonin. I have to have a little artificial help to stimulate production. I promise I am no danger to myself or those around me. Most of the time.

Since speed causes you to blow all your serotonin creating a "high" I have often wondered if I would just be immune. If it would have a null effect on me. One theory I am not going to test.

Christmas Carols for the Psychiatrically Challenged

1. Schizophrenia --- Do You Hear What I Hear?
2. Multiple Personality Disorder --- We Three Queens Disoriented Are
3. Amnesia --- I Don't Know if I'll be Home for Christmas
4. Narcissistic --- Hark the Herald Angels Sing About Me
5. Manic --- Deck the Halls and Walls and House and Lawn and Streets and Stores and Office and Town and Cars and Buses and Trucks and Trees and Fire Hydrants and ...
6. Paranoid --- Santa Claus is Coming to Get Me
7. Borderline Personality Disorder --- Thoughts of Roasting on an Open Fire
8. Full Personality Disorder-- You Better Watch Out, I'm Gonna Cry, I'm Gonna Pout, Maybe I'll tell You Why
9. Obsessive Compulsive Disorder ---Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells ...
10. Agoraphobia --- I Heard the Bells on Christmas Day But Wouldn't Leave My House
11. Senile Dementia --- Walking in a Winter Wonderland Miles From My House in My Slippers and Robe
12. Oppositional Defiant Disorder --- I Saw Mommy Kissing Santa Claus So I Burned Down the House
13. Social Anxiety Disorder --- Have Yourself a Merry Little Christmas while I Sit Here and Hyperventilate.

Boo Hoo to You Too!

Leftovers stink. Literally. I despise opening my fridge or a piece of Tupperware and smelling cooked food that has gone icy. One of my many quirks. That is the reason we rarely have leftovers hanging around unless they are immediately frozen for a later date. I don't have a lot of freezer space so only dishes like stew and chili get the freezer treatment. J is a starch lover. He loves bread, potatoes, pasta, etc. Last night I made one of his favorite meals. It is a cheater lasagna made with spaghetti sauce, macaroni and cheese, ground beef, and shredded cheese. Here is the Recipe.

Easy peasy, my favorite kind of meal. J's favorite meal I make is beef enchiladas but he does not get those often. They are more labor intensive than I like. With me that means I have to do more than preheat the oven.

Tonight is grocery shopping at the local Walmart. *cringe* As we get closer to Christmas I feel the need to hibernate away from the general public more and more. Shocking but I did venture out this year on Black Friday. I waited until after 2PM so all the really great sales were gone but so were the people. I am not going to fight with anybody over merchandise. I will jut buy it online if it that important. Aunt T works at a Walmart Competitor that will remain nameless. She had to be at work at 6AM on Black Friday. According to her people actually ran to the electronics section when the doors opened. Stunts like that are how people get hurt or even killed like the man in New York who was trampled. Aunt T was putting items back and had a shopping cart with her to hold said items. She was almost done with only two left when she left her basket to put one away. She came back to find both things sitting on the ground and her cart nowhere in sight. Basket thievery was high on black Friday.

Rory is in a foul mood today. We are out of kool aid so I gave him water. It is like he thinks I laced it with strychnine. Doesn't help that he no longer takes naps. He stays in his room for the required amount of time but you can hear him playing. Right now all I can hear is the boo hoo in my ear. I never realized fruit punch kool aid meant so much to him. The only thing keeping me in a decent mood right now is Lorelei. She thinks her brother's crying is an invitation to vocalize. She has been singing to me all afternoon.

Celebrity Stalkers and a Friend Remembered.

"You are not really famous until you are being harassed or stalked."

That was in a newsletter i received from one of my favorite authors. It was her response to fans questioning the sudden appearance of bodyguards at book signing and events. She said that someone had told her that "famous" quote long ago and it saddened her to have to use it. I think it stinks that she cannot enjoy being with her fans for fear of who might be a little to enthusiastic. Stalking takes time and energy. I am too lazy to get that involved. However it does remind me of a time when I was obsessed with celebrities along with my girlfriends.

I remember in 5th grade that all the girls were in love with Jonathan Taylor Thomas. Remember the middle son on Home Improvement? He was however the personal property of my friend Holly. In her mind at least. There were three girls in my group. Holly, Lauren, and Meghan. Lauren, Meghan, and I were not allowed to have posters or any other JTT merchandise. (don't tell but I did have one poster.) I vaguely remember Lauren had a crush on the kid from Rookie of the Year. Meghan was more level headed. She had too many of the real live boys chasing after her to waste time on out of reach conquests. There was one day that she got fed up with Lauren who was major bossy and pretended to like her crush just to get under her skin. Meghan is one of the least vindictive people I know so it was unexpected of her and rather funny. Meghan and I were BFF's through high school until extra curricular actvities and boyfriends pulled us in different direction. We still had the occasional sleepovers and remain friends even though we both moved to different states. Writing this makes me remember how much I miss her. I think my next stop needs to be Facebook to write her a letter. She remains on of maybe three friends I had growing up that I would drive cross country for. You hear that Meghan? When you get married I better get an invite!

In case you were wondering who my celebrity crush was the answer is Johnathon Brandis. He starred on SeaQuest DSV every Saturday night. The show was good but I was really only there for the eye candy.
Sadly he died a few years ago from complications after an attempted suicide. I was sad that one of the biggest crushs from my youth had passed. It was like a small chapter of my life was finished that day. My heart goes out to his family and loved ones.

Cats in the Christmas Tree

The tree and other misc. Christmas decorations went up yesterday. That means that today there are six broken candy canes and various ornaments scattered across my living room floor. The cats play a game I call "eviction" every night after the people go to sleep. Any object that is deemed unfit is launched from the tree. Sometimes they break, thankfully, I learned long ago that glass ornaments were a no no. A small bell must have come off one off last night because Inigo helped himself to it this morning after breakfast. My tree is quite small by today's standards. Not even six foot tall. I do not think it can support the level of abuse it receives from the feline population. This reminds me of a family story.

My Aunt B had a cat named Misty from the time I could remember until I was in junior high. Misty was a bossy, mischievous (so normal) cat. Aunt B put up her tree one year and added silver tinsel. I hate the stuff. It never stays on the tree but rather becomes a festive decoration for the floor. God forbid you have carpet. You can vacuum all day and never get it all. Anyways, Misty must have been feeling the Christmas spirit because she ate the tinsel on the tree. Later when nature tried to *ahem* pass the shiny string along it did not quite make it to the litter pan. Instead Misty walks by Aunt B with pretty silver strands of tinsel hanging below her tail. You know somewhere out there is a mom who shares the same story but with her toddler. Misty the Christmas cat is a source of hilarity in our family to this day. We miss Tinsel Butt. May she rest in peace.