Pre surgery poking

Today was my surgery pre testing exam. It was really just questionnaires, sign this here,check your vitals, lets take blood! You know, all that jazz. Of course this sounds like stuff that should take two and a half hours, right? I love the part where they told me I have to be in the waiting room three hours before my appointment on surgery day. J was shocked and appalled. I hate waiting. J brings that hate up to the level of art. Normally J is quiet. He is silent around people he doesn't know. Today I couldn't shut him up. He picked on me unmercifully. I was trying to register and he was using his knuckles to test my reflexes under the desk. You know the lady taking my information loved having her desk kicked. In the office he tried to answer the health questions before i could.

Nurse: Do you snore?
J: No but she breathes like Darth Vader.

Nurse: Are you depressed?
J: Well look at her.

He ducked and just missed getting hit in the head by the book I had in my hands. The nurse asked if I wanted her to put him in the hall. Tempting...but I let him stay. I am used to his brand of abuse, I mean humor. Silly Freudian slips.
On to the bloodletting! A different nurse was sent in to draw my one tiny tube of blood. I am very pale. You can see my veins which lulls you into the delusion that it will be easy to get to it. However, my veins are deep. I despise when I get uber confident nurse or tech that thinks "Easy peasy" and dives right in. Later, when I have blown veins, half moon shapes nail prints in my palm, and a look that would peel paint, we still have no blood in the tiny tube. She even used a tiny needle today. Thankfully she was smart. When she was unsuccessful on her first try, she found someone who draws blood for a living. Is she the only one who knows that this kind of person exists? Only took her one stick to strike the red gold. My only complaint, she used a huge needle.
That just goes to show you can be as gentle and delicate as you want but if you do not know what you are doing, you still make a huge mess.

Slice and dice

I am off to the ortho doc for a consultation on Friday. Eight years ago I developed a ganglion cyst on my left carpal bone (wrist). My cyst was the result of a trauma. I flipped my wrist backwards trying to push a wheelchair up hill with a person in it. Wasn't any more painful than rolling your ankle. Just happened to look down later and freaked out when I saw the pea size bump on my wrist.

Here is the medical portion of this post:

A ganglion cyst is a tumor or swelling on top of a joint of covering of a tendon (tissue that connects muscle to bone). It looks like a sac (cyst) of liquid. Inside the cyst is a thick, sticky, clear, colorless jellylike material (synovial fluid). depending on the size, cysts may feel firm or spongy. It can be one cyst or multiple that appear as one cyst but usually share a common stalk within the deeper tissue. This type of cyst is not harmful and accounts for about half of all soft tissue tumors on the hand.

I had it aspirated (drained with a HUGE freaking needle) when it initially happened. won't be doing that again. It did not help and I hyperventilated. I have decided that I want it removed. Numb me up, cut me open, dig it out. No idea why that bothers me less than the idea of aspirating it. Probably because when it is extracted it cannot come back. Done.

The aspirating may or may not solve the problem. Pass.

not smart to tell mama no

The countdown to civilian life is getting closer and closer to zero. I am excited about the pay raise but nervous about the lack of health insurance. We will still have the interim insurance but I never feel safe until the "real" insurance kicks in. Plus the military has taken god care of us medically. We are a tad spoiled when it comes to co pays and prescriptions. I just pray we get awesome insurance with the new company. J is stressing about getting the right job for our family. He is very serious about his hunter/gatherer duties. I am not serious about much of anything.

Lorelei now tells Inigo whether he is being a good dog or a bad dog. She asks for sponge bob. It is cute to hear her ask for her new fav show. However I am not a fan of the sponge. Rory is a huge Sponge-ite. Lately that is the only show I have seen other than Word World. Sesame Street seems to have fallen out of favor. We will have to see if that lasts. I can only handle so much of that laugh before the twitching sends me into a coma.

Rory is being a brave boy. Not a smart boy, but brave. He has begun telling us no. I say he is brave because he knows that this is a one way ticket to punishment. His knowledge of this cause and effect is why I question his smarts. I know he has them. I think he just chooses to ignore them. Nothing makes mama's eyes cross like being openly defied by the three yr old.

Instant Karma- it could happen to you!

You might think Instant Karma is just a song but it is also our family slogan. I actually did not know it was a song until today. Sad, I know. I like the Beatles but not a fan of the Lennon/Yoko stage. This contributed to my lack of knowledge. I first heard the phrase Instant Karma from Samantha. I also learned to say eat the happy little kitten in Spanish. That one has no real world application for me. We were in our sophomore World History class. We were bantering as we often did. I let go of a zinger and then hurt myself almost immediately. "Instant Karma," Samantha said.

Our kiddos hear this a lot. Maybe it makes us bad parents, I dunno. One child aggravates the other then promptly trips. We check for blood/broken bones and then respond to them with instant karma. J and I are the most frequent victims of this phenomena. I think we are just uncoordinated. Since we are almost always picking on each other it makes sense that these accidents are usually preceded by some action or remark that had us just asking for cosmic retribution.

We also use the game Marco Polo as echo location in our house. We are not a normal family by any stretch of the imagination.

A Swede and an Aussie walk into a blog...

I googled my blog because I am too lazy to bookmark it on my laptop. Two interesting sites popped up. One was for a town in Sweden. The other was for a town in Australia. It appears my blog is locally popular there. At least this month it is. Could just be a fad. Or some sort of insane misdirection where they really were looking for one thing and wound up on my blog confused. Either way I am just tickled pink that I might have fans! I pretend I don't care but deep down I want you to like me. Iwill admit that I don't know very much about Sweden. That is sad. I might need to do a little research. The pictures and stories I have heard are nice. I would be interested to hear from any one in Sweden or who has been there. What is your favorite place, story, etc about Sweden.

I would like to take a minute to talk to Australia. Please do not be offended by decision to never visit your gorgeous continent. I love the accents, animals, & people. Little known fact, when I first learned about the continents Australia was my favorite. It still is. Something about the shape. However it is sort of a family curse that we have horrendous weird luck. Five minutes off the plane and I would be chased by a funnel web spider, bitten by a koala, fall into the ocean, to be devoured by a shark. I love you Australia. Believe me when i say it is not you, it is me.

Wow Wow

Lorelei and I are up at 11:30 PM watching "Wow Wow Wubbzy". J, Mom, and I went to see Harry Potter tonight throwing off the kiddos schedule. Usually we do bath, bed, and beyond from 8-8:30PM every night. We didn't get home until 10PM. Lorelei was sacked out in the recliner. She woke up when I laid her in bed. Of course. So happy to see mommy and daddy she was not going back to sleep. She has two more teeth up top. I wonder how long a reprieve we will have before the miserable nights of teething begin anew. I do not remember Rory having a hard time with teething.

Rory has been thrown under the bus over potty training. The experts tell you not to push them. They will do it when they are ready. He turns four in November. His Mommy decided he is ready. I have a very elaborate bribery system concocted with my Mother. It involves m&m's and matchbox cars. Rory is like me in that he is too busy for such mundane activities like the potty. I hate to slow down and do the things I know I have to do. Playing is so much more fun.

Happy I am not a bed bug.

I have been watching the new TV program "Monsters Inside Me" about parasites. There are more parasites than any other organism on the planet. Freaky huh? Last night I learned why I am so happy I am not a bed bug. The mating of bed bugs is just wrong. The male jumps on the female and spears her through the back with his...um, I think you get the picture. It is called traumatic insemination. Awful stuff there. Another thing I have learned is that if you go to the hospital for an illness but are not satisfied with the diagnosis, speak up! Almost every person on this show was given two wrong diagnosis before they real problem was identified. I felt really sorry for the man with the five bot flies in his head. People thought he was crazy when he told them that he could feel his sores moving. It is a very interesting program but it is making me more paranoid. J is not allowed to watch it. He would seal us in the house after five minutes of viewing. The bed bugs would have had his skin crawling.