Happy Mother's Day

In honor of Mother's Day I am going to write a little about my mommy today.

What to say about the woman that gave birth to me, raised me, and continues to support all that I do? She is the best mom ever! Then again I might be slightly partial. I was far from the perfect kid.

When I was three my best buddy Matt and I removed the skirting from all of the mobile homes in our trailer park hunting for Roley polies.

I got a black eye in preschool. I hit the corner of the piano bench when leaping out at my mom, who had no idea I was coming. She was supposed to catch me you see. When asked how I received it politely replied, "My mommy did it."

I am told that I was once asked which lady was my mom. I told them it was the one with the grey hair. And who do you think gave her those grey hairs?

At five I asked for a hand saw so i could cut down the tree in my Grandmother's front yard. I had tried to climb it without success so of course the tree was at fault. My grandmother gave me a chair to help me in my climbing endeavors. (This ought to tell you something about the genius of the woman my mother calls mom.)

I thought my mom had the tooth fairy, Santa, the Easter bunny, and God on speed dial. While I stopped believing in holiday spirits around nine years old my belief that regarding God and Mom's relationship stuck around well into high school. I never snuck out of the house for this reason.

I am being paid back for all of these events now with my own child. My grandmother says I was my mother's payback for all of her childhood escapades. Personally I think my mom got a bit more payback than she deserved.

All kidding aside my mother is a daily help for me. Whether she is wrangling my son or just making me laugh Mom makes each day more enjoyable. Happy Mother's Day to all you rad Mama's out there!

Saturday Morning Cartoons- 80's style

My memories of the 80's are sparse except for the cartoons I watched. I can clearly remember Lady Lovely Locks and the Pixie Tails was as vital to me as air. I even dressed up in a home made Lady Lovely Locks costume one year for Halloween complete with pixie tail hair accessories. My first year of college I found all my dolls and play sets in the attic. I think I had every piece of merchandise ever marketed.

And what about Jem and the holograms? You could go from business woman to rock star all from one set of earrings. Unfortunately they were phased out during the heart of barbie mania. I was bummed until Mattel came out with Barbie and the Rockers. I switched over without any real trouble. I even had the lunchbox. What did I know about loyalty? I was five for crying out loud! Besides Barbie did not have that whole complicated love story with Rio, Jerrica/Jem, and Riot. it was always vinyl head Ken. Made life simpler.

Rainbow Brite was never a big thing in my house. I did have one Rainbow Brite movie that I watched until it quit working. "Rainbow Brite and the Star Stealer" . Scary that I remember the title. Even scarier that I remember the entire movie.

Strawberry Shortcake annoyed me. I think it was the smell all the dolls had. For some reason I just disliked her intensely. Apparently I had issues even then.

My ultimate fav was She-Ra. I was over the moon for that show. The only thing that I did not like was that He Man was her brother. I wanted then to hook up. I got over it quickly and learned to accept Bow as the love interest. I tried to watch a few episodes of the series recently. Beloved childhood cartoons do not translate into adulthood. So sad really. Rory loved it though. Better than Sponge Bob I guess.

AntiSpider Propaganda

Spiders seem to be the theme today. For some reason they were on my mind last night and then again today. My friend Bradford found a whole nest of them in her basement. She said I would have had a fit. Quite right Bradford! There are few things that will make me move the kitchen stove. I do not even clean under it before company comes. If a spider should run there to hide though all bets are off. I do not just hate spiders I loathe them. I will not rest until I can identify the dead body of any arachnid intruder. Why am I become so hostile you ask? I have my reasons.

My mother had a house built when I was in the eighth grade. After we moved in we noticed we were not alone. These wood spiders the size of my hand would just run across the floor. Thankfully I have cats. They loved to chase them. This is not what really turned me against spiders. Not one of my fondest memories but I understand that our house deprived them of their previous habitat. I am not heartless, I was all for relocation. Them not me, of course. I even tried to run them out the back door so they would not have to die. I did not think having all eight legs ripped off by a cat was a nice death.

Then they had to go and draw first blood. Not once but twice I have been the midnight snack for a brown recluse. I did not even know it until the bite began to do what most brown recluse bites do. If you have never seen the damage a brown recluse can do, spare yourself. Having said that you are going to go Google it right now huh?

Anyways, I was lucky and did not get the nasty lesions some people do. The Doctor gave me some cream and fixed me right up. I do have a small scar though. The first time I let it slide. The second time I decided something must be done. Form then on if I saw a spider I killed it. This might require stake outs on my part but they all fell to my wrath in the end. I do not discriminate, I want all spiders to die.

I like to see them at the zoo though.

A tale of two or more kitties

Sleep was interrupted by Pickles. She was bathing herself on my head. I decided to give her some privacy. I have such strange animals. To say that they have personality is an understatement. One of them has several personalities. Such an over achiever. I am going to try and get back to sleep. Before I go here are some pics and bios for the felines in my house. I had to leave out one of them cause she is camera shy and does not want her information disclosed on the Internet. Witness protection thing.

Miss Kitty affectionately known as Psycho Kitty - Anti social behavior and severe mood swings guaranteed a place in the family. Enjoys licking pictures, mirrors, and windows.

Queen Clio - Mob boss for the feline underworld. Has high connections among the humans specifically the man called "J". Nemesis of Mr. Squeaks from the back bedroom.

Eris a.k.a. The Russian Princess- Adopted daughter of Clio. Spies for humans in exchange for full body rubs.

Pickles- Doubles as a paperweight. Detests human child Rory.
Mr. Squeaks of the Back Room- Loyal subject to Beverly of the Back Room. Deadly assassin and asthmatic contortionist

just icky

Yesterday was "Please do not talk to me or I might have to kill you" day. I had trouble sleeping the night before. Once I finally did get to sleep Rory woke up and had trouble going back to sleep. I think we were playing sleep tag. Finally around 6 a.m. he gave up. Thankfully he slept until ten. As I tried to dress him he decided to whack me in the mouth with the back of his head. Don't you just love kids? We went to IHOP for breakfast before going to Walmart. That is where my foul mood began. I have no clue why other than grocery shopping is probably my least favorite form of shopping. Rory was in such a good mood. He loves to get out and go. After shopping I had enough time to shower before going to the base for my yearly gynecological exam. Yippy skippy. Nothing like having a a speculum jammed into the most tender of orifices to brighten your day.
I tried to shake off that experience while waiting for my birth control prescription to be filled. Well they filled it and stuck it up on the shelf. Never called my name. Just forgot me. I had the pleasure of meeting one of the most annoying children in the world during this time. Her father let me run around like a heathen. I just played tetris on my phone in self defense. I did not want to have to yell "Hey Moron, control your kid!" at her dad.
After 45 minutes I went to the window prepared to vent my frustrations on the lady behind the counter. Well she had to go and be all nice to me. Just blew all the mind out of my sails. Now I have all this pent up angst and no one to spend it on. I really wanted to go home and sleep but I had bunco. No way was I missing my one night a month I get to spend with my girls. In retrospect they may have wished I stayed home. I hope I was not rude to anyone.
When I got home and went to bed I could not sleep. ARRRGHH! I tried to take a hot shower but Rory woke up hysterical. J slept through this event of course. I got back in bed around midnight. Today I am going to have a mental health day. I think I need it.

Midwest top ten

I was thinking about how growing up in rural Texas has made me naive. I had quite the culture shock when I moved to the Midwest. Here are a few of the things that threw me. Let my ignorance be your entertainment!

1. Fire ants. I thought that all ants were fire ants. As a child I remember that if one bit you then you knew is instantaneously. If you saw the hill you avoided it at all costs. Or put fire crackers in it, whatever. I also remember my mother putting poison on the hills every year. The funny thing is that they never die. All you do is force them to move the hill to a new location. So if you do this long enough you can actually move them into your neighbors yard so that they are no longer your problem. With in six months the neighbor has usually "moved" them back. This went on for years in my neighborhood. When I play outside with Rory I do not even mind the ants. I have had several crawl on me. They seem rather friendly here. Texas ants bite every time. No exceptions. I watched a documentary the other day about how introducing fire ants to new regions could destroy entire ecosystems. Who would had thought that all these years we were harboring terrorists in our backyard. I swear we didn't know.

2. Country. I define country as an are of land that has never been used by people and is in its natural state. There was over 100 acres of "country" between me and town growing up. Where is the country here? I seem to have misplaced it. Between every town was countryside. Upon moving to the Midwest I could drive through belleville, swansea, fairview heights, and o'fallon thinking I was still in the same town. I came to call this are O'BelleSea Heights.

3. Cows. Are there any here?

4. Houses are close together. My neighbors house could not even cast a shadow on our fence line back home. Up here I have seen whole communities of really expensive houses that are completely dark in between them. No sun ever. I think the further North you go the more narrow things are.

5. Crime. Ha ha. I recently had someone from back home telling me about how "bad" the crime was there. Ya'll somebody stole some ATVs and they had meth on them! I told them I would tape the news here for a week and each felony crime that happened in East St Louis I wanted a $1. I figure I should make at least $80.

6. NO ONE wants a cat. I know I have tried to give them away. Plus if you have more than two pets it is considered a zoo. I have 6 cats and two dogs. I always get this look from people after they find that out. This a household were three individuals with pets converged on one another. My husband has his cat orange Clio. I have my cat calico Miss Kitty and my Husky Lily. When we married we also picked up Pickles as community property, she is grey by the way. We moved here and rescued Eris, a Russian blue mix, outside our first apartment. Clio adopted her before we could find her a home. My mom moved in with us bringing her Golden Retriever Linus, another Calico named Tigger, and a black asthmatic cat we call "squeaks" because when he breathes he makes this squeaking noise. So see, it is not so bad.

7. People think it is hot here. I will agree that it gets very, very warm. But hot is 103 degrees at eleven a.m. Hot is melted tar on every road. Hot is roadkill that has cooked within 24 hrs.
I know hot. It ain't hot here.

8. Cornfields are creepy. I watched children of the corn. I thought it was stupid. Who would be afraid of a corn field. That was before I had seen one in person. I am afraid of cornfields thank you very much.

9. Price. Wow! I grew up in a nice 3bed/2bath house. It cost us $60,000 to build. A bank repo that needed work with the same bed to bath ration that was already built cost us over $100,000 here. Granted times have changed, but my mothers house has only increased by 20,000 so I would have paid maybe 60,000 for the home I have here if it had been in TX. Confusing but I promise it makes sense. Just go with it.

10. Roads. I think whoever designed the road system in Illinois needs to be tarred and feathered. And why does it take YEARS to finish a one mile stretch of road? Your in a huge metro are. It is not like you do not have the man power or resources.

Brain atrophy and the cat language

When did my brain stop working? When did I become so easy to confuse? I am going to blame it on kids. I have a serious case of mommy brain. Not that I was brilliant before but I am seriously stunted in mental capacity. Sure I have a big vocabulary and can say words like "cognitive reasoning" with confidence but if you cannot think of the rest of the sentence to go with it your shot. You can't just bust out with "Cognitive reasoning!" when the conversation turns to you.
In the recent weeks following the great antidepressant change I have found that my attention span is that of a fruit fly. My mom tried three times to get my attention while I was watching "The Tudors". Poor girl never managed to get it either. She finally told me she quit. About five minutes later I looked over and she wasn't there. I wondered "Where did mom go?" I wonder if the good people who made effexor intended the user to enter a state of mild catatonia. See another big word. Go me.
Another little gem from my world, my son refuses to speak. I know he is only 18 mos old and I am only slightly concerned. Other kids his age are saying "baby", " bye-bye", and "puppy", Rory won't even say "Mama" or "Dada". He does have one word he says regularly. Meow. Yep my baby speaks cat. Too bad I don't . He has his check up on Thursday so I will bring it up with the Doc. I am sure he is just taking his time like he did with walking. The way he babbles endlessly (like his mother...) tell me that he is capable of speech, just has nothing to talk to me about.
I have a lot of spelling errors when I blog I noticed. I promise that I CAN spell. I try to type as fast as I talk and my hands are just not that fast. So please write off any mistakes as enthusiasm. I promise to try and spell check before I post so that you do not go insane trying to real bridget-ese.
I can hear Rory playing Frisbee with my coasters again. Thankfully they are only J's "Simpson's" coasters. We are a very high class family, can you tell? Yep, nothing but the finest Sam's Choice has to offer for us. Seriously though, I love Walmart. Not when I have to go grocery shopping. Then I feel like i am on my way into the seventh ring of hell. On the rare occasion that all I am there for is frivolities though, bliss. I especially love it when I can leave empty handed yet satisfied. I walk passed all the annoyed consumers in the back of a 3 mile long check out line feeling spiffy about life.
Target is a favorite of mine. All of my friends like target. Turn us loose there and its like we are suddenly in Saks or something. Not that I have ever been in a Saks, but I can imagine. Of all the shopping opportunities available my true vice is large bookstores.
Borders, and Barnes, and Bam oh my! (note to reader: BAM is Books a million)
I walk in and see shelves taller than me (not saying much I know) lined with novels. Sometimes I get teary. I always try to take J with me for the top shelf. He comes in handy sometimes being that he is a whole foot taller than me. I only allow him to retrieve items for me though. I call him on his cell phone and have him meet me in a specific specific aisle. Why isn't he allowed to stay with me as I peruse you ask? Well you see I read a lot of romance. It is not all I read but about 90%. Some of it has a sci-fi or horror flavor to it but ultimately a love story. The titles for said books can be a bit corny. J likes to read them in his best breathy porn star voice. I am not amused. I would tease him for his reading choices but I cannot read computer code. He also like Dean Koontz and I cannot speak such blasphemy about him.
J likes to come up behind me when I am reading (i.e. completely oblivious to the world around me) and start reading aloud to irritate me. He uses "the voice" here too. He has learned that I can hit hard with a heavy book in hand. In case your wondering how I got into romance, funny story. I asked my grandmother about sex when I was probably in the 7th grade and she tossed me my first romance. Hey I said it was a funny story not a long one.
She has read romance and westerns for as long as I can remember. Always two or three going at a time. I average around four books a week. I think we have a speed read gene. Right now I am completely stocked up. Just had my 23rd birthday and spent around $150 to get several titles I was interested in. In the end I had 18 new books to read.
I think it is time to hop off. Rory us too quiet. I need to go and make sure he is not planning a revolt or world domination.