Midwest top ten

I was thinking about how growing up in rural Texas has made me naive. I had quite the culture shock when I moved to the Midwest. Here are a few of the things that threw me. Let my ignorance be your entertainment!

1. Fire ants. I thought that all ants were fire ants. As a child I remember that if one bit you then you knew is instantaneously. If you saw the hill you avoided it at all costs. Or put fire crackers in it, whatever. I also remember my mother putting poison on the hills every year. The funny thing is that they never die. All you do is force them to move the hill to a new location. So if you do this long enough you can actually move them into your neighbors yard so that they are no longer your problem. With in six months the neighbor has usually "moved" them back. This went on for years in my neighborhood. When I play outside with Rory I do not even mind the ants. I have had several crawl on me. They seem rather friendly here. Texas ants bite every time. No exceptions. I watched a documentary the other day about how introducing fire ants to new regions could destroy entire ecosystems. Who would had thought that all these years we were harboring terrorists in our backyard. I swear we didn't know.

2. Country. I define country as an are of land that has never been used by people and is in its natural state. There was over 100 acres of "country" between me and town growing up. Where is the country here? I seem to have misplaced it. Between every town was countryside. Upon moving to the Midwest I could drive through belleville, swansea, fairview heights, and o'fallon thinking I was still in the same town. I came to call this are O'BelleSea Heights.

3. Cows. Are there any here?

4. Houses are close together. My neighbors house could not even cast a shadow on our fence line back home. Up here I have seen whole communities of really expensive houses that are completely dark in between them. No sun ever. I think the further North you go the more narrow things are.

5. Crime. Ha ha. I recently had someone from back home telling me about how "bad" the crime was there. Ya'll somebody stole some ATVs and they had meth on them! I told them I would tape the news here for a week and each felony crime that happened in East St Louis I wanted a $1. I figure I should make at least $80.

6. NO ONE wants a cat. I know I have tried to give them away. Plus if you have more than two pets it is considered a zoo. I have 6 cats and two dogs. I always get this look from people after they find that out. This a household were three individuals with pets converged on one another. My husband has his cat orange Clio. I have my cat calico Miss Kitty and my Husky Lily. When we married we also picked up Pickles as community property, she is grey by the way. We moved here and rescued Eris, a Russian blue mix, outside our first apartment. Clio adopted her before we could find her a home. My mom moved in with us bringing her Golden Retriever Linus, another Calico named Tigger, and a black asthmatic cat we call "squeaks" because when he breathes he makes this squeaking noise. So see, it is not so bad.

7. People think it is hot here. I will agree that it gets very, very warm. But hot is 103 degrees at eleven a.m. Hot is melted tar on every road. Hot is roadkill that has cooked within 24 hrs.
I know hot. It ain't hot here.

8. Cornfields are creepy. I watched children of the corn. I thought it was stupid. Who would be afraid of a corn field. That was before I had seen one in person. I am afraid of cornfields thank you very much.

9. Price. Wow! I grew up in a nice 3bed/2bath house. It cost us $60,000 to build. A bank repo that needed work with the same bed to bath ration that was already built cost us over $100,000 here. Granted times have changed, but my mothers house has only increased by 20,000 so I would have paid maybe 60,000 for the home I have here if it had been in TX. Confusing but I promise it makes sense. Just go with it.

10. Roads. I think whoever designed the road system in Illinois needs to be tarred and feathered. And why does it take YEARS to finish a one mile stretch of road? Your in a huge metro are. It is not like you do not have the man power or resources.